The qualifier is that they need to be totally healthy to do so. I think the Boilers are the only team that can play with Michigan State right now. This is Purdue with all the injuries right now. (4) Purdue (Jimmy Vulmer) (12-4, 1-2) – Jimmy is a dynamic character that can hang with anyone on the show. Sound familiar? This year, Illinois is an NCAA team with even a 9-9 conference finish, while Indiana will be lucky to win a game.ĥ. In the end, Cartman has everything taken from him because he broke the rules and Kyle recovers to lord it over him. As a result, Kyle comes down with a hemorrhoid and nearly dies from it. In Cartmanland, Kyle is jealous that Cartman gets a million dollars and buys a theme park, taunting Kyle in the process. Illinois whined and complained about losing Gordon last year an struggled as a result. The Gordon saga reminds me of the Cartmanland episode. Kyle is a major character much like how Illinois has been a major character for awhile. This sounds like IU fans taunting Illinois about Eric Gordon, then the Illinois fans lashing out back at them. (3) Illinois (Kyle Broflovski) (14-2, 2-1) – I compare Illinois to Kyle because Cartman always makes fun of Kyle because he is a Jew. Seven more conference wins are reasonable and that would have them dancing.Ĥ. The Hoosiers choked on that one because most of the time blowing a 20 point lead is at the hands of the team with said lead. Michgian is clearly up and down after struggling at Indiana. Now they are back and you can pretty much expect anything from huge wins to struggling games. Garrison when he was fired for being gay. This is a major program that has been lying dormant for way too long. At the time, it was totally unexplained, but not entirely unexpected. Garrison) (13-3, 3-1) – Michigan’s sudden transformation into a major player in the Big Ten race is much like Mr. Their next four games will tell us a lot about them as they have two relatively easy games (Northwestern and Indiana) and two tough ones (at Wisconsin, Purdue).ģ. They already whiffed on a chance to take down Michigan State in Minneapolis, but they do have the bonus of not having to go to Purdue. I just don’t think Minnesota has enough scoring to stay this high throughout the conference season. Only six of their final 14 games are in the Barn, but as long as they win five of those and don’t go totally winless on the road they will be dancing in March. Because they do have a weak schedule, they may still be unsure of themselves like Butters. (6) Minnesota (Butters) (15-1, 3-1) – I had to give them Butters because they are a major player this season, but no one is really sure of them even at 15-1. They are a lock for the NCAA’s barring a major collapse.Ģ. Just as Cartman drives the show as its funniest character, Michigan State drives the Big Ten. For more than a decade they have been the most consistent team both during the regular season and in the tournament. The Spartans get Cartman because they aren’t particularly liked by everyone else, but the conference would not be the same without them.

They are the only team still unbeaten in conference play. Four of those wins (Texas, Ohio State, Minnesota, and Kansas) are against NCAA-worthy teams that have been ranked at one time or another. (7) Michigan State (Eric Cartman) (13-2, 3-0) – Michigan State makes a huge jump having reeled off eight straight wins since the last rankings. This time each team is assigned a South Park character to explain their ranking.ġ.

I won’t go back and re-evaluate via dead hookers, but it is time once again for a themed Big Ten Power Rankings as most teams now have 3-4 conference games under their belts. The number and frequency of dead hookers allowed for each team in the conference has certainly changed since that original entry. I do have a sense of humor, and can understand a joke when it comes up, even in poor taste. This will, of course, get me in trouble with multiple gay rights groups and other people who have had their sense of humor surgically removed, but the beauty of having a forum like this to write in is that I don’t have to care. Multiple instances of varying numbers of dead hookersĨ. Two separate instances of 1 dead hookerħ. The scale now reads as follow, from least amount of forgiveness necessary to most:Ĥ. Astute reader Scotty Leisure had an addition to that theory, now adding to the highest levels in terms of forgiveness. An earlier rendition of the Big Ten Power Rankings involved the infamous Dead Hooker in the Trunk theory.

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